It is funny; I have never really felt “part” of any group. Now I’m not saying I don’t or don’t have friends and acquaintances rather that I have never quite fit in.

The perfect example of this is that in Junior High School there were two girls I really really wanted to be friends with (no I don’t remember why). They were both trying out for cheerleading… consequently so did I. Little side note: up to this point I had raced microds (an old fashioned go kart) skied, sailed, and played soccer. Athletic - yes! Competitive with myself - yes! Graceful and cheery, not so much.

The three of us went to tryouts together and were put through the paces. I can’t remember the specifics. I do remember feeling silly and awkward. The next day we looked at the list for our names. The two of them pushed through the crowd to see if our names were there - meaning we had made the 1st cut. My name was there - theirs weren’t.

Needless to say, they didn’t ever talk with me after that (it was Junior High).  I didn’t really want to be a cheerleader, so I didn’t even go to the next tryout session.

That was the turning point for me. I realized that trying to be someone I wasn’t wouldn’t work. Even if I did “it” well, it wouldn’t make me happy. Don’t get me wrong since then I have forgotten or ignored this lesson from time to time and had to re-learn it.

In 1996 I started a new career in sales.  My drive to see things accomplished, love of learning, and my ability to make tough decisions made me a success. Plus – I enjoy doing these things. A few short years later I was achieving my yearly sales numbers and earned President’s Club two years in a row. I loved going to work every day. Even when things were challenging, I knew I would figure out a way to turn prospects into satisfied customers.

I quickly learned that some of the things that make me different are what the customers I work with need. One example is that I’m freakishly organized. I have lists about lists AND have been known to write down things I’ve already done - just for the pleasure of crossing them off my list.

Additionally, I have always been decisive. I am more comfortable making a decision with the information I have today (and perhaps be wrong) than not making any decision at all. As a kid when my friends couldn’t decide what we were going to do - I was the one who would say: movie, bowling, miniature golf… pick one.  In business this trait allows me to take action with the information I have and modify the plan as I go along.

As a salesperson in the Information Technology field, being freakishly organized has allowed me to help Absent Minded Professors, Computer Geeks, and the Chronically Overwhelmed. Many of these people are brilliant in their area of expertise, but might come to work wearing different colored shoes. My ability to make decisions without all the information also helps my customers move forward more quickly. That and my love of learning allowed a special connection with the prospects and customers who love to teach.

With success come new opportunities. One was a job as Sales Director, managing a team of salespeople instead of being one. It was a huge promotion and everyone told me the things that made me a successful salesperson would make me a great manager. 

Crazy thing is, they were right. My drive to see things accomplished, helped me motivate the team and create forward momentum. My love of learning helped me understand the people on my team and develop on new skills that I had never needed before. My ability to make tough decisions made coaching people, determining whether they would be a good fit, and even firing them easier.

Why then, was I unhappy? Every day I felt more and more weighted down by my job. The pressure felt exactly like that day in Junior High when I was waiting to see if we made the 1st cut.

I was starting to think something was wrong with me. I was successful in my job. Everyone was telling me I was so lucky to be where I was. So, why did I hate it so much?

After analyzing the Sales Director job, I realized that less than 50% of my day was spent doing the things I love about being a salesperson. The rest of my time, more than 50% of my day, was spent doing things I despised. Some of these things I was good at, others I wasn’t, all of them I hated.

Just like in Junior High, people looking in could only see success. I had made the cut. My team made their sales goal for the year - right before I quit.

As a self-possessed sales professional I have had the pleasure of talking with thousands of people over the years. Turns out, everyone has had the square peg in a round hole feeling at one time or another (and I thought it was just me!).