We all have fears, self-doubt and anxiety, but some of it get more than our fair share of it, and the challenge is to rise above it so you can make something of your life.  Growing up I was never expected to succeed. There were no role models for success and the only expectation was that I would get married, have kids and take care of my husband until I died. I chose a very different route.

Edinburgh, Scotland is famous for two things. The annual international arts festival, and whisky!  I didn't know much about the first one growing up, but I knew a whole lot about the other. The port of Leith is a major distribution point for whisky distillers, and as a dockworker from the 1940's until the 1970's, my father had an intimate relationship with it.  He was also a raging alcoholic.  My mother worked in the distillers putting labels on the whisky bottles and occasionally made bottles vanish under her skirt to bring home for him.  Growing up I knew two things for sure. Violence was a way of life, and poverty was it's companion.  My father's rage was felt on a regular basis and I learned to fear him because no one knew what kind of mood he would be in.  My mother had her own issues. She had borne two children before marriage, one of whom had died at an early age, the second never lived with her but was raised by my grandmother. It was a family pattern that I would discover much later on when I gave my first child up for adoption and left my second with his father. I eventually wrote a book about this called When The Crow Sings. http://www.whenthecrowsings.com

As a child, I dreamed about becoming a writer and a singer and I wanted to travel to foreign countries. I wanted to embrace the world, but no one told me I could have it. I left home at 16 and went to London, without realizing that this was the first step toward becoming a global nomad.  Along the way I battled drug and alcohol abuse, unwanted children, and very low self-esteem. I was in my thirties when I began to understand that I had a choice. Life did not have to be  tragic. But I had a lot of growing to do. The impetus was my third child.

After a failed marriage in London, I moved to San Francisco where I met my second husband. We traveled the world extensively, and decided after a few years to have a child together.  I was terrified. Having given my first child up for adoption when I was twenty, and left the second one with his father when he was only three, I was uncertain about whether I could actually succeed at parenting. But I took the leap of faith and became 'The Good Enough Mother', D.W. Winnicott's description on good enough parenting. I made a vow during my pregnancy that my daughter would leave me before I left her.  I would like to say it was easy, but it wasn't.  I had to face all kinds of demons to become that 'good enough mother' But this was only one part of the story. My husband had a child from another marriage who lived in Thailand. When she was almost ten years old, and my daughter was fourteen months, she came to live with us. A complete stranger.  So here I was with a baby and a pre-adolescent, trying to figure out what it was to be a mother, get sober, clean up my act, so I could be the parent these children needed.  But no one told me I first of all had to be a good parent to myself.  I had to learn love, compassion, trust, and faith.

The 'Aha" moment came when I was in the middle of a screaming fight with my husband when my daughter was six months old.  We were out for blood, and while there was never any physical violence, we were very aggressive verbally.  At a certain point in the argument I looked down and there between us was this little girl who looked astounded.  The look of shock on her face stopped me in my tracks. "What are we doing" I sobbed. We both looked at this beautiful child and said "we need to do something."  This was the beginning of my journey to understand how fear, self-doubt and anxiety had run like wild mustangs across the prairie of my life.

When I was in my forties, I began to write short stories. I also took voice lessons that would eventually lead me to becoming a lay-cantor for synagogues in Paris and Amsterdam performing for the Jewish High Holidays of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. I also took up martial arts in my forties, and earned my black belt in karate on my 49th birthday. In my writing life, I explored my relationship with my children, and discovered what was hidden in my family background that had caused so much pain around unwanted children.  I felt I had a responsibility to the children in my life to understand and clean up the mess of generations. My first book was called The Good Enough Mother and was never published. But it was a gift to my son, who I had left behind with his father, and who later reunited with me when he was seventeen.  More books followed, but the theme was always trying to understand the people in my life. What motivated them, what kept them in fear, what caused so much tragedy and unhappiness. Eventually this searching would lead me to create When The Crow Sings, a semi- autobiographical novel based on the history of the women in my family. It is the fictional story of my grandmother, and semi-fictional story of my mother, and my life until I gave my first daughter for adoption. It was my way of coming to terms with the tragedies that had befallen these women.

In my fifty-fourth year I decided that I wanted to become a coach.  I wanted to teach others what I had learned about overcoming fear, self-doubt and anxiety because I had done it successfully.  I had no idea what I was doing.  I decided to call my new business The Fearless Fifties.  It seemed appropriate because I was in midlife, and I knew many midlife women who were struggling with their identity, still living in the past, and afraid for their future.  I had no idea what this business would look like because I had no previous experience. My last job was in 1981 as a temporary secretary after completing a degree in history. But I knew I could do it if I was really determined, focused and had faith.  It was my burning desire, which I later realized in another 'Aha' moment had been the driving force in my life.

I figured I'd learn how to do this coaching, motivational speaking and writing, as well as I could. It was an exciting and invigorating challenge but I realized the biggest obstacle was credibility. I had no professional background in personal development, but I did have the life experience. Recently I've been coined a 'life psychologist' which I embraced. I had earned my degree.

Developing your own business is never easy no matter what your background. I took a crash course in every aspect of building and running an online consultation business, and I developed a loyal group of subscribers. As the idea grew to help people get beyond the fear, my book The Fearless Factor emerged http://www.thefearlessfactor.com  It is now the cornerstone of all that I teach.

From the beginnings in Scotland to now, it has been a wild ride.  The dream continues.